I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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