ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
