I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
