the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
