I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
