We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize