i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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