i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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