shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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