Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
