Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
