im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
