***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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