I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
