Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
