when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
