i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
