I can text with my tongue
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
