I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
