you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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