Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize