I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
