Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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