If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
