Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
