I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
