Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
