Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
