I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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