I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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