The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
