I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Someone came in the potted fern
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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