Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize