i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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