tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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