I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
