so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
