the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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