We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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