Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
