i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
