I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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