You're completely useless in the revolution.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
