K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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