Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
BRING THE BAGELS
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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