I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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