this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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