Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
