my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
