I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize