A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
