He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
