is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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