i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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