Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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