whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
