Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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