...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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