I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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