found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
