Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
