My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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