He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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