we have officially lost it.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
