Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
