did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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