Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
