I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
