Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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