Pappa wants mamma naked
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
