So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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