Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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