Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
