So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
