She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
