Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
