Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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