I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
