It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize