i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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