I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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