I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
