Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ttyl tear gas
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
