my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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